Sex onlydating for couples
Many older divorced or widowed men and women are in the same boat. You're probably not desperate enough to stalk your neighbors, or to go looking for friends with benefits in all the wrong places (bars come to mind).They feel protective of their privacy and peace of mind, but they haven't become eunuchs or hermits. But offered a chance to reconnect with someone from your past — dinner with your high school steady, for example — you might just surprise yourself by winding up in bed.These are the kind of men that — like it or not — remind me of my dad.Dedicated, kind, big-hearted family men who may not have all the words, but who do have all the feelings.You wonder if flirting with a girl is the same as with a guy. You're forced to have an awkward talk with a random family member. All of a sudden people will think it's totally cool to ask really personal things, and you'll also feel like it's totally okay to say no and walk away. You become a part of a really amazing community that always has your back. You've had years of experience with cute boys, but when a cute girl comes into your life, you become this awkward human who forgets how to flirt with someone. When your aunt from California comes to visit and starts asking why you and your "friend" are holding hands, it's time for some ~real talk~. The next morning (or even that night) come the recriminations: Was it wrong to give that person the sexual green light when you had no intention of rekindling the emotional side of the relationship?Marilyn, a 57-year-old single colleague of mine, recently reconnected with someone she had worked with many years ago. "No," Marilyn said with a laugh, "it's better than that: I'm in like with him — and that's exactly where I want to be." She further confided that they planned to make their reunions "a regular thing — if four times a year can be called 'regular.' But I think that's about all I really want." Marilyn's casual approach to maintaining a friendship with benefits typifies the mindset of older folks who have reconciled themselves to having "great fun" even if it's "just one of those things." And episodic pleasure-seeking may be more common than you think: In The Normal Bar, a book I wrote last year with Chrisanna Northrup and James Witte, we reported that 61 percent of female survey respondents who had partners fantasized about someone they had met.
No amount of money, influence, power or education can give you that.For 50-plus types unwilling to walk — possibly rewalk — the path that leads to romance, rings and relocation, the prospect of a "friend with benefits" is looking less and less like a millennial indulgence.After all, it gets awfully lonely waiting around for "the one." Perhaps you've decided that what you need at this point in your life is someone to talk to and laugh with — someone with whom you can share the sheets, but not the tax refund.Sharing that is so huge, and something a lot of city folks are too selfish, neurotic, or scared to do.One of the many guys with the word "cowboy" in his handle — a handsome guy my age — wrote, "I hold a strong value in treating everyone with respect and dignity; never afraid to show my soft side.
Related: The #1 Thing Men Do On A First Date That Immediately Turns Women OFF While I probably will not ask any of these guys out (because most of them live in rural New Jersey and I'm a Brooklyn girl), viewing their profiles really helped me remember the qualities I truly want in a mate.